Who is Etchant Man? (Part 2)

What is Etchant ?

It’s an acid used to remove unprotected areas of a wafer layer. Examples are potassium hydroxide, buffered oxide etch, and sulfur hexafluoride.

In my high school electronics class I was in charge of the etchant that was used to make PC boards, and from that day henceforth, my nickname became Etchant Man.

As you can see, it’s better for Jay Mohr to say “Etchant Man” instead of “Sulfur Hexafluoride Man”.

Marital Status

 I fell in love with, and am happily married to jojomouth (Twitter name), a beautiful Italian woman who I grew up with. She told me that she fell in love with me once she spotted… as she put it… “a partially decomposed Rick Fox from across the room.”

First Date

Our first date was at an Olive Garden. Incidentally, Olive Garden’s motto “When you’re here, you’re family”  is true. The atmosphere inside felt like I was home with my family, which explains why my dad was walking around in his underwear hurling abuses at the staff. He was yelling, “IF BEING HERE IS LIKE FAMILY, WHY ARE YOU CHARGING ME $8.95 FOR MOZZERELLA STICKS!?!”

Olive Garden’s “Endless Pasta” is stupid. Who rides around thinking, “Now where could i get a possibly infinite supply of capellini to satisfy the fat slob that i am?” One day Joey Chestnut is going to call their bluff and shut down an Olive Garden. I could see the news headline now… “Olive Garden 86’s pasta.”

Early memories

As a kid, I had high aspirations for my future, but everything backfired on me because I was too specific. When my dad asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I told him, “I want to be a doctor… specializing in the lower intestinal tract where it attaches to the colon… with a sub specialty in colon and/or colon related complications… leading to leaking butts.”

I’ll never forget what my father said to me. He said, “That’s great son… weirdo.” Sensing his disapproval, I told him about my career change. I said, “I decided instead to be a lawyer.” He said, “Fantastic son, what kind of lawyer?” I said, “Personal injury attorney… specializing in colon related complications leading to leaking butts.”

It was after my father changed his last name that it finally struck me. I gained a certain clarity of thought, an epiphany as it were, and that is: Parents care what their kids want to be, AS LONG AS THEY DON’T GO INTO GREAT DETAIL.

As a result, for some years after that,Ii pursued a simple unassuming life of digging ditches… around properties owned by colon doctors and personal injury lawyers representing them.

-Etchant Man

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