Masterpiece Theatre

Please read the following in an English accent, and if you cannot read in an English accent, please find someone that can read it to you in one. I thank you.

Lady Penelope awoke with music ringing in hear ears on that lovely Sunday morning, she did. For it was on that day that all of her chums from Penworth Academy were coming to visit her for a dinner party at the Doonsington Mansion! When she lay down her head down on her pillow last night, she feared that she might get neary a wink of sleep, but eventually she was able to drift off into slumber and dream of elegant balls and royal pleasantries. Truth be told, she had been dreaming of this moment ever since she spoke to Sir Rufspoiler on the phone night before last. Lady Penelope and Sir Rufspoiler had history at Penworth Academy. One night, under a starry sky, their hands lightly grazed one another’s! Magic was too simple a word to describe it, but it was magical nonetheless. Tonight, Lady Penelope was determined that her and Sir Rufspoiler’s hands make the most definitive of contact, practically sealing their eventual fates as Lord and Lady of Rufspoiler Mansion, which was referred to in most circles as, The Ruf. Yet, she was getting far too ahead of herself at the moment. First order of business was to arise from her Egyptian sheets and begin to dress her hair. However, just at that very moment that she decided to do so, Lady Penelope felt something odd on her nose. It itched, and so she ever so daintily scratched. Oh dear God! Oh, no, no! Lady Penelope ran to her 100 ft mirror and saw what she had dreaded would be there when her hand made contact with her face a moment ago. In the center of her nose was a small, discreet, and almost ladylike pimple… The gun was still warm in Lady Penelope’s hand when they found her body.

Dedicated to Etchant Man.

-Kevin Ortiz

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